I told you this blog was a place for me to share my ups and downs with you, a place to tell of my sorrows and joys. So I want to tell you about the seasons I’ve been going through in life.
At the beginning of 2012, I was in a season of sorrow. There were many aspects of my life that contributed to my sadness.
1. In December, a very important relationship of mine ended. It caused most of the sorrow I felt during this season. The memories seemed to haunt me and the “what if’s” or “should have’s” clouded my mind. It took a very long time to accept my new circumstances of singleness. And the letting go of this person is a constant battle I struggle with.
2. Because I no longer had a significant other, I no longer had someone regularly visiting me at my house. I didn’t have anyone to cook for or clean for or talk to about my day. I felt incredibly lonely, cooped up in a house full of memories.
3. Not having a church to call home didn’t help my season of sorrow. I attended a church for a few months, but often cried in my car all the way home after the service — and not from being spiritually moved to tears. I didn’t feel like I belonged, and no one there seemed to care enough to notice. No one took the time to invest in me, which leads me to …
4. I was longing for community and fellowship, people to connect with on all levels including spiritually, and I couldn’t seem to find it no matter what church I tried. I had went from having constant fellowship for four years, to an entire year with not an ounce of fellowship in my life. It was a drastic change that left me feeling empty and unsatisfied.
In June, I could begin to see transitions. You know how the temperatures warm up and the trees begin to bud when spring has arrived? It was as if the season of sorrow was fading away. And that meant a new season was beginning. I now feel like I’m entering a season of joy. For many reasons!
1. I can look back at certain memories from that relationship that ended with fondness instead of pain. Walking home at night sometimes, I have a vivid memory of a bat swooping down near us as we walked to my house. That memory makes me smile instead of making me sad. Maybe because it was just so funny at the time. But it’s nice to think back and just smile, without all the hurt or anger involved. The memories aren’t haunting anymore. I still struggle with the “what if’s” sometimes, but I know it can only get better with time.
2. The loneliness of living by myself is ending. The house full of memories of that relationship is about to be a house where two best friends make brand new memories. I’m getting a house-mate, and I couldn’t be more excited! I’ll now have someone to cook meals with/for, someone to come home to and tell about my day and someone to plan parties with. Fortunately, we both love hosting get-togethers or parties.
3. I’ve started attending a church where I actually feel like I fit in. I like the worship, the sermons, the variety of ministries and the groups you can be involved in. I haven’t left there once in tears. I’ve only cried once and it actually was because I was so moved during the sermon, because God was speaking to me. And I was able to go to the altar and talk with God and feel renewed.
4. There’s a group from that church that I’m getting involved in, a group of different people on different paths. We’re all close to the same age range and most of us are single. I fit right in! I am connecting with these people, and it feels like I’m being restored. I’m finally finding fellowship and community again with a group of friends who have no problem just sitting around playing board games (something I absolutely love doing!)
Maybe you are in a season of sorrow right now, this post is to remind you that seasons change. I was in a season of sorrow that felt like it would never end. But it did. Just like yours will.