My brother is getting married soon. In just one month and two weeks, he will be standing at the front of a church in a grey suit awaiting his beautiful bride. I couldn’t be happier for him and his wedding day. He honestly chose such a wonderful woman to claim as his wife.
I am going on three years of marriage. I’ve seen the ups and the downs. As my brother prepares for one of the biggest days of his life, I wanted to write him this letter.
Before Your Wedding Day: A Letter to My Brother
To my little brother, Logan,
I am really surprised how quickly this special day of yours is approaching. I have enjoyed getting to see you fall in love with your bride, Kendall. I’ve seen you two argue, but I’ve also seen you two dance. I watched as you planned a proposal to remember and even helped you orchestrate it.
I’ve looked at houses with you both as you tried to make decisions for your future. I bought my bridesmaid dress, and RSVPed to your wedding even though you know without a doubt I’ll be there.
Your wedding day will be here before we know it. You have last minute planning to do, but, for the most part, you both are ready to step into a new life together as one.
As you prepare for this new journey of marriage, I have some things I feel I need to share with you. Things I wish for you, advice I want you to remember. I know I haven’t been married long, but I feel our marriage has already been through so much. Some things I hope you and your wife will also experience, and others I hope you will never know the feeling of.
I wish I could say this is going to be an easy journey. That the dating was the hardest part. But honestly and realistically, the hard has only just begun. Marriage is difficult. There will be days when you will want to scream at her. There will be times when you want to walk away. I know that might seem far-fetched right now, but life throws some hard things at us whether we like it or not. And you two are both very different people with different opinions and backgrounds.
A lot of the hard will just be you two learning the ropes of living together. It’s a lot of learning — to love when you don’t want to, to choose which fights to pick and which to let go. Marriage is one big mirror that says, “Wow, you are so selfish!” A mirror that you’ll want to constantly turn toward her to point out her faults. I’ve been there. I often want to pick out what my husband did wrong rather than see myself for who I truly am.
When you feel frustrated, annoyed, even mad — try to take a little time to look at yourself. See what you’ve done in the situation. Did you start this mess? Did you make it worse? What could you do to improve things? How could you have handled it better? Focus on bettering yourself and becoming a selfless husband, rather than pointing a finger at her (even if it is totally and completely her fault!).
Yeah, a lot of it will just be learning, especially in those first couple years. But there’s also going to come some really bad stuff. I wish it weren’t true. It leaves puddles of tears in my eyes to think of the hard you both will have to endure. I don’t know what hardships or heartbreaks you both are going to face. But sadly, I do know you will have to face them. Seasons of sorrow will come. I’m not telling you this to be a Debbie Downer. I’m not trying to make you back out. Instead, I need to tell you something very important.
When those hardships and heartbreaks come, whether it be something one of you did or didn’t do or whether it be something neither of you could have ever planned — this marriage is a choice. Every single day you must decide whether to love your wife, whether to honor your vows, and whether you will do whatever it takes to honor your covenant with one another and with God.
It is up to you both to decide whether those hard times will tear your marriage apart or pull your marriage together. You have a choice to make. I encourage you to let those moments and seasons strengthen your marriage. Let them make you stronger as individuals and as a couple. Lean into God during those times. Draw closer to Him together. Focus your eyes on Jesus and His mercy and grace. Remember the forgiveness you have been given and offer it to others, especially to your wife (sometimes your spouse can be the hardest person to forgive).
It’s up to you to decide now — even before the wedding day — that this marriage is worth fighting for, that divorce will never be an option, and that you will do the hard work it takes to make this marriage last. Because it is hard work, but it is also very worth it.
I’ve seen you grow up. We’ve played outside in the woods more times than I can count. From your Spongebob watching days (are those over yet?), to that giant orange coat you wore for far too long, all the way to seeing shaving supplies in our bathroom and pictures of you at prom. You’ve went from an adorable little boy, to a dorky teen, and now a big, lovable man.
As a man, you will be the provider of your family after your wedding day. I know that’s scary. But I also know you are smart and capable. I pray that you will be the man God has created you to be — a man who will fight for his marriage, a man who will honor his wife, and a man who will fully give himself to God. Look to Him in every decision and He will guide your paths.
I’m praying that you will be a Godly husband who devotes himself to prayer and servanthood, who always puts his relationship with God first and foremost and his family second — above any career or hobby or friendship or even ministry. I am also praying that God keeps temptation away from both you and your wife and that He surrounds your marriage with protection.
I hope that your marriage is full of laughter and happiness and holding hands. I hope that it is full of playfulness and long talks and loving hugs. The most important thing I want you to know as you approach your wedding day is you are absolutely always welcome to talk to me or Travis. We won’t always have the answers, but we do have ears for listening and a few years more experience than you. I hope that our joys and heartaches, our decisions and struggles, can be of benefit to your marriage. We want to share our stories with you — even the worst of them — if God can use them to help you in your own marriage.
I couldn’t be happier for you Logan. I pray blessings upon your marriage.
I love you,
Your big sister, Tiffany