How Our Pain Can Help Us Hit a Deeper Level

We were friends in high school. We hung out a few times, mostly at youth group, but otherwise we were in different groups of friends at school. We were surface friends. Until one day, we confessed to each other the struggles we were facing with staying pure in our relationships. We became accountability partners. Through that struggle, our friendship hit a much deeper level.

We had been friends since 2nd grade. We laughed a lot and talked about boys. We wrote notes in classes and had sleepovers. We were best friends, but we were surface friends. Until senior year of high school, when we sat in my car in the mall parking lot. I, for the first time, cried my eyes out with her and told her how much I was hurting. In that moment, our friendship hit a much deeper level.

We hadn’t known each other that long, but we were close. We were co-workers in a 24-hour job. We had late night talks and crushes on male co-workers. We had a surface friendship. Until a friend of mine died, and I sat on the floor in tears. She came to my side and listened and comforted. From that tragedy, our friendship hit a much deeper level.

We went to separate colleges, but we’d talk on the phone or online. We sent each other letters and cards in the mail. We often talked about spirituality and how our walks with God were going. We spoke of deep issues, but our friendship was surface. Until the man she loved told her he didn’t have those same feelings. And she was heart-broken. I prayed with her and tried my best to comfort her aching heart. Because of heartbreak, our friendship hit a much deeper level.

You know someone well because of good times, but you know them even better because of hard times.

If it wasn’t for pain, heartache, tragedy, or trials our surface friendships would never hit a deeper level.

Knowing God Better Through Pain

It’s the same way with God. We know Him well during the good times in our lives, but it is during the hard times and the pain that we usually grow much closer because we desperately need Him.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. -Ephesians 1:17

In Greek, there are two meanings for the word, “know.” The first is ginosko and the second is oida.

In the original text, the word, “know” here in Ephesians 1:17, is ginosko, which means “progressive learning.” It’s a matter of getting to know someone better and better over time. Just like a best friend, the more time we spend with them the more we know them, and the more hard times and even pain we go through together, the more we know each other even better than before. Just like in a marriage, the longer you are married, the closer and more intimate the relationship becomes.

There’s a song I really love called “Fall Apart” by Josh Wilson. The lyrics say:

Why in the world did I think I could

Only get to know You when my life was good?

When everything just falls in place

The easiest thing is to give You praise

Now it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in

But I feel You now more than I did then

How can I come to the end of me

And somehow still have all I need?

God, I want to know You more

Maybe this is how it starts

I find You when I fall apart

I wish that we could all know our friends and God on an incredibly deep level without any pain. I wish we could all go about life happy and unhurt, loving God and each other, without any pain. But it’s just not how the world works. Your life is going to have pain, heartache, trials, struggles, hardships, and even tragedy. Most of you, if not all of you, have already experienced some of these things.

During those hard times, if you are looking up and reaching out for God, you can hit a much deeper level in your relationship with Him. It’s like taking a shovel to the ground. If you were that dirt, I’m sure that shovel would hurt as it pierced into you, breaking you apart — yet that shovel is hitting a deeper level. Each and every struggle you go through can help you reach a deeper level with God.

I am praying for you, each and every one of my readers, that you may know God, progressively learning more and more, and hitting deeper levels of your relationship through each trial you face.

As incredibly hard as it is, we must be thankful for our struggles and heartaches. For they are what bring us closer to God. There’s a Matthew West song that says, “Maybe that’s the point, to reach the point of giving up.” He says when he is at rock bottom, that is when he turns to God.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. – James 1:2-4