I went to the same church most of my life. I went there because my family went there. I really liked the pastor and got a lot out of the sermons. Church was routine for me. Then I got older and went off to college. It took me a couple years to find a church I could call home. I found it, though, and fell in love with it. I loved the pastor, the sermons, the ministries and most of all the worship. Church was no longer just a weekly routine, but something I looked forward to.
Unfortunately though, college ended. Boy, do I miss it sometimes all the time. And since college was over, I moved back to my hometown. The church I grew up in didn’t seem to fit me anymore. There was nothing wrong with that church, but it just wasn’t where I belonged anymore. I had grown in so many ways. I was an adult. I needed a church where I could get involved, where I could fellowship with people my age. So I started visiting other churches in the area. Eventually, I found one I thought I liked. I joined a women’s Sunday school class, and I met the pastor.
I attended that church for about four months. One day, it just hit me. I’ve been in the same class with the same women for four months, and not a single one of them talk to me. Suddenly, I realized no one ever asked me how I was or asked me what I did for a living or asked me to sit with them during the service. Instead, I sat alone every Sunday, feeling just that — alone. As I sat through the sermons, I tried my best to hold in the tears before the final prayer. As soon as the service was over, I was the first one out the door. And I usually cried all the way home.
I’m sure that church is a great place and all the people are very nice. For some reason though, it just wasn’t where I belong. The pastor could never remember my name, which is one of my pet peeves. And the women in my class never took the time to get to know me or see how much I was hurting. Maybe they didn’t care. But I think the real issue was they were used to their church routine. I doubt any of them knew how hard it was for me to drive to that church all by myself and sit in that class feeling very alone. I bet none of them knew how much I dreaded sitting alone during the sermons. And I know none of them realized I drove home in tears every week. But the problem is, none of them took the time to know.
Advice for Routine Church-Goers
My advice for the church-goers out there is to notice the new people or the ones you haven’t met or talked to before, especially the new classmates or small group members. Notice them and care about them. Please understand how hard it can be to step foot in a new church where you don’t know anybody. I’ve grown up in church, so I can only imagine how much harder it is for those who haven’t ever been. Be friendly, invite them to sit with you, introduce them to others, invite them to other church events or classes or groups and most importantly get to know them. Ask them questions, invest in them, and show them the love of Jesus.
I tried out other churches after leaving that one. And, thanks to God, I found a church home. I found a church where I like the pastor — he makes me laugh — I love the sermons that seem to fill my Bible with notes every Sunday, and I like the worship. Best of all, I’ve found a group that I can get involved in. It’s a group of young adults who like to play games and chat and go out to eat. I met someone in this group, who quickly introduced me to others in the group and immediately began inviting me to their events. Finally, I felt wanted and welcomed. I’ve also joined a Bible study of young adults. Most recently, I’ve been asked to host my own Bible study for people who have to work evenings. I wasn’t sure at first. “Me? But I’m new!” I thought after being asked. But when God opens a door, I figure it’s best to step inside and see what He’s got up His sleeve.
Advice for Non-Church-Goers
So for all you non-church-goers, or those of you who have given up on church or stopped looking — I understand. I almost gave up too. But your church is out there. You will eventually find where you belong, and God will open doors for you too.
I think church is very important. It’s a way to grow in your walk with God, a time to worship your Creator and a place for fellowship. Church is a place we can learn and be challenged during sermons, a place where we can be moved during worship time, a place with people in our life stage that we can fellowship with and possibly even hang out with outside of church, a place we can be mentored and prayed for, a place with ministry opportunities so we can get involved and find ways to serve.
I hope that if you are looking for a church, you can find where you belong and won’t give up even if you’ve had bad church experiences. I also hope if you are someone who completely gave up on church because of a bad experience, that you’ll realize that one church doesn’t represent all churches. Just like one hypocritical Christian doesn’t represent all Christians.
And I hope that if you have a church home, you will open your eyes to your guests, understand their nervousness in visiting, invest in them, and show them the love of God.
What has been your experience with church?
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