Valentine’s Day is on it’s way. Love. Love. Love. It’s being shoved in our faces from all directions. I have a few posts about love in the works, but my heart is aching a little for those who aren’t feeling the love this season.
That day with all its red and pink and hearts and confetti and candy and kisses — well, it can be really difficult for those who have recently had their hearts broken. It can be downright torture for someone going through a breakup or a divorce or even just someone who’s relationship is on the rocks. And for those out there feeling that pain instead of the mushy ooey gooey lovey dovey stuff, well I just want you to know I understand. I may not have ever gone through your exact experience or felt exactly what you are feeling, but I have had my heart broken.
You see, after 11 months or so of serious dating and falling ahead over heels in love with each other, Travis and I broke up. We were both heart broken. The day we broke up and he left my house was a day, unfortunately, burnt into our memories — a day full of tears for both of us.
But no matter how much we both cried, eventually Travis drove away. With my heart. The next 8 months were the worst of my life. During that time, though, I found writing out my feelings and trying to encourage others who may be experiencing the same feelings very therapeutic and helpful. I know there are those of you out there who are hurting. So I’ve decided to share some of those writings with you in hopes that you will gain some type of encouragement from it. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find a little sunshine in there.
Here is the first installment of A Glimpse into my Heart Break.
Waiting for Morning
I debated a lot on whether to post this blog. I didn’t want people to think I was being dramatic or looking for sympathy. But ultimately I decided that as a Christian woman, I should share my struggles with others. I should be open and vulnerable in order to help others who could be dealing with similar issues. Not to mention, writing is therapeutic for me. So here I am, opening up and showing the world that I’m not so strong. And maybe someone out there in cyber world will realize they aren’t alone.
Right now, my heart is completely broken. Is anyone else in this same place? I’ve never felt so broken before, so devastatingly sad. And I never knew that you can be so emotionally upset that your body reacts in compliance, making you physically sick.
Is anyone else hurting? Is there anybody out there who wakes up in the morning and wonders how they could possibly get through the day?
Here’s the thing. I know without a doubt that God has a great plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11), and I know that God will bring good out of this situation, out of this heart ache (Romans 8:28). But unfortunately, even while knowing those things and trusting in God, I am still hurting. I still feel the pain.
I know that God is near to me because I have a broken heart, because my spirit is completely crushed (Psalm 34:18). But I still feel very alone at times.
I keep praying that God will heal my heart, that He will take away this overwhelming sadness. And He will … in time. It takes time. I keep wishing I could hibernate until the sorrow ceases, until my heart is mended and I can breathe again. But I can’t. I have to keep living through the pain until eventually it gets easier. And it will. Until then, I have to feel sad. Because my situation is real. Because what I lost mattered so much to me.
So I will cry until it feels like my body can’t possibly have any more tears left. And then I will cry some more.
Right now it feels like night, a very lonely night. But I will be strong, because God made me strong (Philippians 4:13). And eventually, someday, morning will come, and I won’t feel consumed by the sadness any longer (Lamentations 3:22-23).
In Bible times when an enemy army was outside your city walls, the scariest time would be in the middle of night. It would be pitch black, but you could hear the footsteps and armor. Fear would set in, and you’d want to run … or hibernate until it was all over. But you would have to stay and wait until morning. Because at the break of day, God will help you and keep you from falling (Psalm 46:4-5).
So as scary, lonely, dark, and sad the night seems now — eventually, morning will come. And the sunrise will be so beautiful you’ll almost forget the pain it took to get there.
So hold on. You are not alone. I know it hurts now. I know how devastated you feel. But I promise, morning will come eventually.
(Disclaimer: Travis and I eventually got back together, and now we are happily married. That might not be the exact ending to your story, but I can guarantee that God does have a plan for your life, and He will bring you out of this darkness if you let Him. Hold on, friend, morning is coming.)
You may also want to read:
Be sure to follow my Pinterest board Encouragement!
[…] sharing things I wrote during my own personal break up. Be sure to read the first post — Waiting for Morning, which explains more about the break […]