I’m a woman. In case you didn’t know.
I’ve been learning a lot about myself as a woman lately. Things that I knew deep down about myself, but I didn’t realize I am that way because of the very fact that I am woman.
While reading The Language of Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs I learned that I need love. I’ve always longed for love, for the feeling of being loved. But now I realize it’s a part of the nature of woman. We all want to feel loved.
When reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman I learned that we all (men and women) have love tanks in a sense. Sometimes, our love tanks feel full and other times they feel empty. I love this metaphor because it helps me evaluate how much I feel loved, which a lot of times helps me understand my moods and reactions.
If I’m feeling down, depressed, and reacting to things in an overly dramatic way, then I probably have a low love tank. But when my love tank is full, I always feel positive, happy, and can handle changes and disappointments with a much better attitude.
In a long distance relationship, especially one with so little communication, my love tank has been low for quite some time. I shared with you that I was right in the midst of it, trying not to sink and drown, fighting depression.
The other day I was reminded that too many times I have put all my hope in my husband rather than my God. Too many times I have let my happiness rely on my husband alone — a human, imperfect husband who will let me down because it’s in his fleshly nature to do so. So often I want my love tank to be filled by my prince charming rather than the King of Kings.
Instead, I have to learn over and over that God needs to be my number one priority, all my hope should be in Him, and my happiness and joy should come from God alone. My love tank is not always going to be filled by my husband. But it can be filled by my God — a God who loves to romance us, pursue us, and show us His love in so many little and big ways.
The other night I was feeling really down because of the lack of communication with my husband. The long distance and 13-hour time difference was taking its toll. I was tired of checking my phone only to be disappointed that I still hadn’t heard from him. My love tank was incredibly low, and I found myself crying out to God.
Can you fill me with love, God? I know that you love me, but my tank feels so empty right now. I feel empty right now. Can you fill me? Would you fill me? Would you show me you love me? Will you send me love notes since my husband can’t? Can you romance me? I know you probably do it all the time, and I’m too busy longing for my husband’s love to notice. So can you open my eyes? Help me see the sunshine?
After that prayer, I went to sleep. Honestly, I forgot all about that prayer the next morning and I went on with my day as normal.
It wasn’t until that evening that I remembered my prayer. And suddenly, like a flood, the sunshine came pouring in. I remembered all the love notes I had been given that day.
An encouraging card in the mail from my aunt
Chocolate cake for lunch
Clean laundry, folded and put away
Thunderstorms rolling in
Reading on a porch swing
The sound of rain
Finishing books
Fresh flowers in my favorite colors
A bright rainbow right in front of my eyes
Laughter with my favorite girls during Bible study
New tank tops
God remembered me. He heard my prayer. And He sent love notes all around, just like He does every day. And finally my eyes were opened, and I saw the sunshine.
And I felt loved.
And I felt full.
He wants to show you sunshine too. He loves you — in a way you can’t even fathom with your little human brain. And He wants to romance you, and pursue you, and fill your love tank. He longs for that. He delights in you, and He wants to make you feel loved.
Ask Him to show you. Ask Him to open your eyes.
And then look for it. Because when you open your eyes to see, His love notes are all around.
Sunshine will come pouring in. In fact, you’re probably going to need sunglasses.
How have you seen sunshine today? Has God been sending you love notes?
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This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such a wonderfully, terribly important truth.
Thanks Kathryn.
This post really struck home for me. I can 100% identify with everything you said. My best friend is in the Military, and the lack of communication has often taken a toll on me just the way you described. (And he is about to be stationed halfway around the world, so there will be that same time difference.) “So often I want my love tank to be filled by my prince charming rather than the King of Kings.” I have learned a lot in the past year about relying solely on the Lord.
Your other post on showing love when your own tank is low also rung true for me. A Scripture that has been meaningful to me during seasons like that is Galatians 6:9– “So then, let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper season we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
As a side note, you mentioned in another post that your love language is quality time, right? A great way to spend time with God is journaling in the form of writing letters to Him– writing about your day, praising Him, or just praying on paper. It is amazing looking back through my journals from the past several years, reading through my thoughts and feelings during difficult times, seeing how far I have come, seeing prayers that have been answered.
(Also, prayer journaling can be extremely helpful for your prayer life. It can be much easier to stay focused, when praying on paper vs. in your head. 🙂 )
I’m so glad this post struck home for you Lindsay. I journal almost every day, and a lot of times it is prayer journaling. It helps me a ton, and like you said I love looking back over my journals and seeing how far God has brought me.
Love the way God filled your tank in such a tangible way!