Hello friends. I’ll be taking a little blogging break, so I’ve gathered some blogging friends to guest post here. I wouldn’t want ya’ll to not have anything to read! My first guest post comes from Julie at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life.
I was 26 years old when my husband re-joined the Army. He went in as an E3 at age 30. A few months later, he promoted to an E4 and that is how he spent the rest of his time as an active duty soldier. A lot of people join the military at a younger age, 18-20 years old. Their spouses are young too. They work their way through the ranks and can make it to E5 before they are even 25 years old.
This meant that for most of my husband’s time in the Army, we were considered an “older” enlisted couple. Many of the other people our age were higher up in rank than my husband or going the officer route. This sometimes made me feel a little out of place. The spouses of the other lower enlisted wives were very young. While there is nothing wrong with that, it was hard to relate sometimes, especially when going to events like a military ball where you have to sit according to rank.
I found myself not sure who I should try to befriend. Whenever I met another older spouse, I really wanted to get to know them. For my husband, he was always known as the “older guy.” His roommate during his first deployment had been 8 years old when my husband went to basic back in 1996. Quite the age difference there.
If my husband had never gotten out of the Army, he would be approaching his 20 years. That would have put me in a very different place than I was. As an enlisted wife of a soldier of a higher rank, there comes some responsibility. Somedays I would feel like I would have wanted that — to be able to be there to help out those new to the Army. In other ways, I was still learning myself and wasn’t sure if I would have been the best person for the job.
As an older enlisted spouse, I wasn’t always sure of my role. Should I be a mentor to the younger spouses? Can I be? Should I be involved in the FRG? How much so? It was hard to know where I could help and where I needed to step back. Could I really give advice to someone who, although was a lot younger, was married to someone in my husband’s chain of command? It was confusing.
I figured out that personality meant more in the quest to making friends than age did. That rank really didn’t matter as much as I though it did, and that it was okay to be older even when everyone else seemed younger. In other situations, I would be the younger one and that was okay too.
I also realized we were not the only couple that was older. I met other women whose spouses had joined at a later age. They were in the same situation we were. We were not the only ones. Although I do feel that the older I get, the harder it can be to make good friends with the younger wives, it is possible and can be a great way to connect with others and get to know those who are in a different stage of life than me.
Are you one of the older enlisted spouses too?
Julie is a blogger & social media addict living in Tennessee. She has been married for 13 years to her National Guard Soldier and has three boys, 10, 8 & 4. You can find her at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and on Twitter and Facebook.
My hubby rejoined the military 4 years ago when I was in my mid 30s. I completely understand how you feel. He struggles making friends at work too. Most of the guys his rank are almost half his age and the ones who are his age are further up the chain. It’s nice to meet others who can relate.
Glad you found someone else who understands Renee!
Hi, we feel like this sometimes too! We married at age 25, when he had already been in for 6 years. Now, 9 years later he has gained a few ranks, but our kids are all little. Other people our age and rank have teenagers. I still have a 2 year old at home all day! I don’t have much in common with other military moms of toddlers, who are often at least 10 years younger than me!
I find I have more in common with officer wives. I am always hesitant and respectful approaching them, but they are usually awesome and welcoming to me. So that’s what has been working for me.
As an officer wife myself (this was a guest post), I’m so glad to hear that the officer wives you’ve met have been awesome and welcoming. I love that! I feel like sometimes us officer wives get a bad rap for being stuck up or what not. And that’s true for some, for sure, but then there are those of us who don’t care about rank and just want friendships!