The Day I Stopped Showering

This is a story I wrote a few years ago after this happened to me while showering. I wanted to repost it in case you need a laugh today!

It was a normal day. I had decided to sleep in and very much enjoyed the luxury of it. I woke up and read my Bible, journaled, and ate a breakfast of cereal. I picked out my clothes for the day and headed to the bathroom to shower. I did the normal routine — I turned on the exhaust fan in the shower, let my hair down, placed my towels in the right spot and turned on the water. I decided not to listen to music because I had some thinking to do.

I undressed and stepped into the bathtub. I pulled the curtain closed and felt the water — really warm, hot even- just the way I like it. I pulled the lever up and water began pouring down on me just as it should. And then I noticed something dark down near my feet, something moving.

I looked down to see a very big, black spider struggling in the water. I don’t think I’ve ever jumped out of the shower so fast in my entire life. In fact, I almost fell flat on my face trying to get out of there. And then I ran, naked, out of the bathroom.

 

Let’s stop there a moment so you can understand my fear of spiders. Just typing the word gives me the creeps. I’ve always been afraid of them, but in the last year it has gotten worse. At the sight of them, I usually freeze in fear or go straight into a panic attack.

I honestly can’t believe I survived this encounter without tears or death. But it was my shower and the spider seemed to be having trouble with all the water, I felt I had the upper hand. Especially since I have a giant bottle of poison in a storage room. That’s what I was running for. OK, and also to get away from the you-know-what.

Unfortunately, I keep the poison in a room that has a door that gets jammed and is really hard to open. I was literally ramming my body into the door until it opened and I spotted the beloved poison. I grabbed it and began to run back to the bathroom when I realized if the you-know-what got out of the shower or the poison didn’t work I needed shoes on!

I threw my tennis shoes on and dashed back to the bathroom. Before I began, I threw a towel around my body. If this spider is taking me down, he’s not taking me down naked. For some reason, I just really don’t want to die naked. I guess because whoever finds me will see me naked!

Anyways, I begin to pull the curtain back a little so I can see into the shower, but there’s no sign of it. I panic. It’s gotten out and now it is planning to attack me from behind! I whip around checking all around the floor, then the walls and ceiling. That’s one thing I hate about spiders — they could literally be anywhere. But there’s no sign of it. I start hitting the shower curtain, hoping for some sign of it. I never thought I would hope to see a spider!

Finally, I see it, still struggling in the water. It was hidden by the curtain. I push the curtain back more and have my poison locked and loaded. But it seems to be taking a beating from the water. In fact, it looks much smaller, as if it is dead, and it is spinning in circles toward the drain. It’s too big to go down the drain though, which is good because if he wasn’t dead, which he wasn’t, then he could have crawled right back out. UGH. The thought of that makes me want to move out.

I somehow am able to make myself turn the water off. I push the lever down and the water all begins spraying out of the faucet. Then I realize the thing is not dead. And I turn both handles so there is no more water. The spider is back to its giant self immediately! And I am spraying that poison like there is no tomorrow. I spray and spray and reload and spray and spray and reload. I think I reloaded the poison probably six times. And a lot of poison comes out with one load!

Eventually it stopped moving and began getting smaller and smaller like they do when they die. But I wasn’t letting it fool me. I just kept spraying! Then it laid there in this crumpled up, disgusting thing. And I knew I had to step on it just to be sure. It took me a couple minutes to work up the courage to step on it. I did though. And the battle was over. Well, almost.

Then I had to get its remains out of my bathtub. I chose large paper towels to do the job. And then again, it took a bit to work up the courage to do it. Even though I knew it was dead, I still didn’t want to get anywhere near it! But I did and I flushed it. And now my bathroom smells strongly of poison … and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to shower again.

Side note: Although this is a funny story and I can look back and laugh, I really do have a severe phobia of spiders. I have thrown my phone across the room when scrolling through social media and seeing a photo of one. I have been in hysterics and panic attacks due to spiders. Phobias are serious fears and I ask that you never send me photos or videos of spiders. Please don’t tag me in them on social media. I know you think it’s funny, but it’s only terrifying to me and means I will probably have nightmares that night. Thank you for understanding.

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Copyright: daveh123 / 123RF Stock Photo