It's Friday. Today would have been the first day of my second trimester. The worries would have decreased. My belly would have began showing. My baby should have tiny fingernails and functioning kidneys. Instead, today is Friday. Just another day of the week. As I've been writing about this loss, I've said many times that I HAD a miscarriage. But the fact is I AM miscarrying -- present tense. The physical part of this loss isn't over as much as I wish it was. It's really hard to grieve and move forward when you are still bleeding, still passing parts of the life you long to hold. Today Continue Reading
To My Pregnant Friend After My Miscarriage
I have several friends who have recently announced their pregnancies. Others who are right in the middle of the pregnant happiness -- gender reveal parties and baby showers. I have other friends who have recently had precious, beautiful babies. This post is for them. A Letter to My Pregnant Friend ... After My Miscarriage Do you know how happy it makes me to see your belly grow? Do you know how much I love your little baby? Even in the midst of my own pain, I love to see your joy. I love seeing you happy and healthy and full of life. I know it's hard for you. You don't know what to Continue Reading
After Miscarriage: Ways to Remember Baby
After having a miscarriage, at first I thought I could pretend that I was never pregnant at all. Perhaps, if I could make myself believe that there never even was a baby then the loss wouldn't be so hard. I could quickly move on and be happy again. That idea didn't last long. As the reality set in, and my grief began, I knew there was no way I could ever forget. Would it be easier to forget it all? Yes. But that is most definitely not the best option. Instead, I know that I need to remember. I need to grieve the loss so I can heal and move forward. But even in moving forward, I don't Continue Reading
What I Didn’t Know About Miscarriage … Until I Had One
I knew a few people who had experienced one or more miscarriages, but most of them never talked about it. I honestly didn't know much about miscarriage -- until I had one. There are so many things I didn't realize, and I know there are others out there who have never experienced such a loss. I want people to have a better understanding of what happens and how the woman feels. I want it to be OK for me to talk about my experience, to be open about the heartbreak and the physical toll this miscarriage caused. Be warned -- this post is real and raw and totally honest. Things I Learned About Continue Reading
When We Lost Our Baby … Twice
This post tells the story of my first pregnancy, as well as the first loss my husband and I have ever experienced together. I wrote this post as therapy for myself and to help others who have never experienced this type of loss to have a better understanding. I've also found that I find comfort in reading the stories of other women who have faced this awful nightmare, so perhaps this will remind someone else experiencing a miscarriage that they are not alone. Travis and I decided we wanted to start a family in September of 2014. We began trying to get pregnant in October 2014. When Continue Reading